Goals versus Motivations

Goals - we all have them.

We want new jobs, new houses, to have a baby, to get married (okay, maybe reverse the order on that one!), to become president of the United States or Uruguay.

Why?

The why is the motivation and that's what I want to talk about here.

As an ESL teacher, I hear all about everyone's goals.

They want a better job.

They want better English.

They want to move back home.

They want to move to Burlingame.

They want a bigger apartment, house, car.

They want to be a waiter, cook, manager, restaurant owner.

They - you - we - want more, more, more.

Why?

That is the question.

That is the question because that is the secret to success.

I see a million people, hear a million goals, see only some successes.

What separates those who succeed from those you don't?

After thinking about it for years and years, here's what I have decided:

Motivation. That is the key.

Luck, circumstance, resources, contacts, friends, support, role models, mentors - all these things make a difference.

But lots of people have all that and still don't succeed.

And some people have none of that and do.

Why?

Exactly.

Because of why they want to succeed.

If you want to improve your English because with better English you can get a better job... sure... that sounds great, right?

Improving your English is your goal and a better job is your motivation.

My idea about that one: So-so.

Why?

Because I hear that all the time but I don't see it getting a lot of people anywhere.

People say, "I need better English. I want a better job."

(You will notice that most of the time people say, "I need better English" and "I want a better job."

Need is stronger than want.

But really: which of those things do you think is more important to the person?)

Here's what I see that works:

I want my kids to have a better future than I have. I love my kids. I have suffered. I don't want my kids to suffer. I am determined to help my kids.

Now, if those feelings are real and true, then that's a real and true motivation.

The kind of motivation that can make you study boring, Boring, BORING English grammar.

Because let's face it: studying grammar is mostly boring!

Ooops! Did I say that?

Sure, because we all know it's TRUE.

That's why it's good if we can figure out fun ways to learn a language. Because just sitting there studying the rules is HARD and BORING.

At least it is for most people and that's why I think most people don't do it.

But a real, true FEELING motivation can get you to sit down and study those awful, boring rules. Or figure out a fun way to learn things.

A real, true FEELING motivation that keep your mind on what you WANT so that you can get through what you DON'T WANT and doing what you don't want to do is a big part of reaching a goal.

Let's test this out with another goal many people talk about.

How about weight loss?

Losing weight can make you healthier.

Good motivation?

Uh... in my opinion... no.

Of course losing weight can make you healthier.

So why don't more people lose weight?

Losing weight is hard!

You have to exercise even when it feels hard to exercise. You have to eat less of what you love to eat. You have to eat more of what you don't want to eat. The whole thing is hard!

How about: It feels great when men stare at my hot body and women look at me with jealousy and I feel really powerful.

Losing weight = feeling attractive and powerful.

Now that's a motivation!

(No, I don't think that way. I am telling you this because we all understand such feelings.
They are real and they are powerful and they are why and how some women lose weight. Not all. But some.)

Or: My knees are killing me. I want to have fun with my kid. I can't fun with my kid anymore because my knees kill me when we try to do things together. If I lose weight, my knees won't hurt and I can have fun with my kid.

Losing weight = connecting with my kid, joy, having a lifelong relationship with my child, being taken care of when I grow old, being remembered as a fun mother and grandmother.

Another good motivation!

Why am I talking about all this?

Because I am guessing that if you are reading this blog, you want to improve your English.

Which a lot of people want to do.

No, that was not a complete sentence. It was a fragment.

That's okay.

What's not okay is having a goal and talking a lot about it and never reaching it.

That doesn't feel good.

I know, because sometimes I do that.

It feels pretty frustrating, actually, and sometimes it can feel really bad.

So.

My advice?

If you have a goal and you want to reach it... think about your motivation.

And when I say, think about your motivation, I really mean:

think about your motivation.

So, for example, if you want to improve your English because you want a better job, think about why you hate the job you have now. And how a better job would feel. And what a better job would bring you.

Would a better job enable you to buy a really comfortable couch and pay for HBO and Showtime?

And you would work all day at that great, new job and then come home and lie on that really comfy couch and watch Nurse Jackie and Big Love and Dexter?

And it would feel great?

If that is real and true, for you, then see and feel that couch and those programs before you pick up your dictionary or click on www.elllo.org.

Really see and feel that couch and those programs.

Because that couch and those programs can help you do boring, hard stuff.

At least thinking about them can.

And better than couches and programs are thoughts of helping your kids or your community or answering a spiritual call or fulfilling a passion.

Keep your mind or your heart on those things and you can do anything.

I've seen it before.

We all have.

People whose dreams cut like diamonds through difficulty.

People who don't want to be hungry again.

People who want to bring their kids here.

People who want to bring their mothers here.

People who want to bring comfort to the sick or joy to the world.

Those dreams are powerful.

Those dreams are real.

Just like yours.